Light vs Dark

Split in two


Today I'm feeling all kinds of ways
My heart
My mind
My spirit
I'm split in two
One Light
One Dark
One that makes me laugh
One that makes me think
Both make me cream and shudder for more and more
Light is fun
Light is good
Light is love
Dark is inspiring
Dark is innovative
Dark is energy
   Energy that I haven't felt in a very long time
I think about the light and the dark often
I can't shake these feelings
I want to
I try to
But I can't
Yet, I remain split
I shouldn't be
Light is locked up
Dark isn't into things I'm into
With light I can be myself
With dark I hide myself
With light I feel open & free
With dark I feel closed & afraid
Yet, I remain split
Light brought the fun back into my life
With light I remembered  how to laugh and enjoy life
Dark brought my creative energy back to life
With dark I remembered I had goals and dreams
Yet, I remain split like my two names
Which one will I go with each day
Monique?
Renee?
How do I combine who I am into one?
No wonder there is confusion
I have these two worlds inside of me that I've been balancing all of my life
So now I need to bring Monique together with Renee to = One me
I wish I could bring the light and dark together to make the perfect man for me
Then I wouldn't be the me any longer split in two
I could then be the me who I am meant to be
Monique Renee
Love
Light
Peace
Yep, me
One heart
One life
One love

Love or LIke

How do you really know if you love someone or just really, really like them?  I understand the physiology of feeling good when someone touches your or you hear their voice on the other end of the phone call.  But how do you really know if it is love or not?  Now that I've been single for almost two years there are a couple of men that I have been involved with that I thought I really liked.  I knew it wasn't love or did I?  Am I so jaded by my divorce that I don't know or am not open to love?  Friends and family ask me over and over what am I looking for in a man.  Right after my divorce I knew I just wanted to have fun.  Nothing serious, just fun.  Now I'm ready for something more.  I think.  Maybe?   There is a huge part of me that is looking for someone to be more permanent in my life but I'm also looking for my alone time.  I'm not ready to live with someone just yet but I want to have a regular man who checks in on me, takes me out and someone I can cuddle with on those cold, rainy nights.  Is that too much to ask?  I don't think so.  I have had some very interesting conversations with men that I have been involved with.  They see the best of me and feel I am a good woman and they would love to lock me down.  Yet, I never felt that way about them.  Sure I liked them for what they were bringing to the relationship at that time but I knew it would never be more than two people having fun.  I knew getting involved with them would amount to nothing because they were not the type of men I would take around my family.  So why did I get involved with them at all?  Have I become so callus that I don't see these men as a human being with feelings?  Things I need to explore and figure out if I ever want to have a fulfilling relationship.  Right?  Right.