Light vs Dark

Split in two


Today I'm feeling all kinds of ways
My heart
My mind
My spirit
I'm split in two
One Light
One Dark
One that makes me laugh
One that makes me think
Both make me cream and shudder for more and more
Light is fun
Light is good
Light is love
Dark is inspiring
Dark is innovative
Dark is energy
   Energy that I haven't felt in a very long time
I think about the light and the dark often
I can't shake these feelings
I want to
I try to
But I can't
Yet, I remain split
I shouldn't be
Light is locked up
Dark isn't into things I'm into
With light I can be myself
With dark I hide myself
With light I feel open & free
With dark I feel closed & afraid
Yet, I remain split
Light brought the fun back into my life
With light I remembered  how to laugh and enjoy life
Dark brought my creative energy back to life
With dark I remembered I had goals and dreams
Yet, I remain split like my two names
Which one will I go with each day
Monique?
Renee?
How do I combine who I am into one?
No wonder there is confusion
I have these two worlds inside of me that I've been balancing all of my life
So now I need to bring Monique together with Renee to = One me
I wish I could bring the light and dark together to make the perfect man for me
Then I wouldn't be the me any longer split in two
I could then be the me who I am meant to be
Monique Renee
Love
Light
Peace
Yep, me
One heart
One life
One love

Big girls and internet dating

It has been so long since I've blogged!  That's because I've been busy.  Dating, dating and more dating.  Dating for us big girls is a challenge for some.  Yet, for me, it's fun and exciting.  It's like a holiday, you never know what you will find in that box.

I have been dating older, younger and my same age men.  They are pretty much the same other than age.  They all claim to want someone who is honest, real and not into games.  Yet, they all play games, lie and are not real.

There are many truths to dating.  Do you know what you want in a relationship?  Marriage?  Sex buddy?  Friendship?  If you don't really know, how will they know what you want.  Believe me, men are not mind readers.  As much as we would like them to be they are not.

I'm still in the looking for a friend, with benefits  that could maybe develop into something more.  I haven't found him yet but I am having so much fun looking.

Following are a few facts that I have learned:

Fact #1:  If they say they are 6' they are actually 5'8"
Fact #2:  If they say they want honesty, don't be, their ego's can't take it, no matter how macho they appear to be
Fact #3:  If they say they don't want a woman that plays games, just know they are playing a game with you within the first meeting.
Fact #4:  Be honest to yourself as to what you want first and then you can handle them
Fact #5:  Be honest about your size.  I always show full body pictures of myself.  If I can't love me, why should they...right?
Fact #6:  Remember you are beautiful no matter what size you are.  Size 10 or a size 30....do you and remember there is someone out there looking for you..

Love

I want to feel love to the core of my soul.  Like light clouds enveloping birds heading south in the soft billowy clouds, wrapping me with a wisp of a touch.  Love will touch my soul without the touch of a hand.  I know that love exists and I want it for myself.  They say if you give love you will get love.  Yet, I also now know that I must be wholly in love with myself to give that love.

Love is like the jamaican sun caressing my skin
Love is like a smooth, warm savory rum flowing down my throat
Love is like a nice smooth taste of a fine herb that covers your tongue, pallet and spirit
Love is the look from across the room with eyes that says I want you more than you could ever imagine
Love is when you feel the hairs on your neck rise just knowing the person your soul craves is near you
Love is when you know without a shadow of a doubt that it will be returned

Love
Love
Love

So many of us are searching for it but do we have it in us to give

Are we willing to love this person in spite of all of their flaws
Are we willing to be patient for them to work through their stuff
Are we willing to be there for them no matter what
Are we wiling to encourage, uplift and support even if we are not sure of their decision
Are we willing to just BE with the person our soul calls for

I say yes

Am I sure I can live up to that kind of love
Am I sure I want that kind of love

This I do know
I want to walk into the room and feel the love of my man embrace me with just his presence
I want to know that I am safe with him
I want to know he will protect me
I want to know he will profess his love to me and to any and every one
I want to know he will provide for me
I want to know he only wants me

No other woman makes his desire burn like I do
No other woman's voice caressing his ears the way my voice does
No other woman makes him feel the way I do

I want him to be all mine and mine only
I don't share
I won't share

I will comfort, support, and love you all of my days

I know you are out there and I am ready for you
I am waiting for you
Only you
Because you are the one that has my heart yearning for REAL true love
I know you exist
I wouldn't have this desire, this urge, the tugging at my spirit for what is missing

You are my spirit
You are my soul
I am here for you
Waiting for you
All you have to do is look
I'm here

I'm here


I'm here