It has been a while since I have written anything. I promised myself that I would write everyday no matter what. This is part of my goal to get my emotions out and not into my mouth. For you you folks fighting food addiction, you know exactly what I mean.
So today I walked 1.5 miles. YAHOO!!! It has been years since I've a trail. I've done the Walk Off the Pounds at home and it was nice but today a friend and I went to a trail and walked. Now mind you, we are both big but he's a not as heavy as me and he's a lot more active than me. Plus he's a man!!! So I have a road ahead of me in the weight thing.
I am becoming more healthy each day. I'm a big girl and I've been a big girl as long as I can remember but I don't feel sexy any longer. I feel I'm too big now. I want MY sexy back!
People have asked me how much weight to I want to get rid of. I honestly can't answer that as I just want to be off of certain medications. So for me I want to get rid of the extra weight that has me taking medications, making my heart beat faster and makes me sweat like I've run 10 miles and i've only walked 1.5 miles at a slow pace! So I want to be healthy vs. skinny.
I could never be skinny as I love my curves. How could I not love my curves, my beautiful smooth brown skin, full lips and sexy brown eyes. This is a full package. I like who I am but I am learning to LOVE who I am.
Loving me means I am quitting smoking, eating what makes my body healthy, not heavy and knowing when to keep the wall up around those who won't love me the way I deserve. That means loving me enough to say now. Loving me enough to say I've had enough. Loving me to say, "I like you but I'm not interested and I am secure enough to wait for the right man".
So many big girls go with the first man that comes their way because they think they may never have better or no one will give them a second look. Believe me, there is ALWAYS someone better for you out there if who are with is inconsiderate, selfish, doesn't take you around his friends or his family, or takes you out period, who only visits you in the evening, who asks you for money and truly shows you that he doesn't care. No matter your size there is someone for everyone.
This is not some fairytale dream. Even if you are a big girl, there are men who will love you for you. I have never had a problem getting a man. The problem has been the kind of man I caught! Some were wonderful but we just didn't click. Then there were those times I had a lack of judgment and found myself involved with someone who treated me bad. Yet, now I understand I was ok with myself, most of them had their own self-esteem issues but put them off on me. I also had one or two who got with me and THEN decided they wanted me to lose weight. Needless to say, those relationships were over as soon as they mentioned my "being too big" for them. There are men who will say it for the good reasons and those men are the ones that really love you. I've had a few of those men as well.
I could be one of those women who pretends that I don't need a man but I'm not that woman. I want and need a man in my life. I love being with men. Yet, what does all of this mean. I am getting myself into better shape because I'm back in the game of dating. Plus I want to live a long life. I'm 44 and don't want anyone to worry about having to take care of me anytime soon. Now when I'm in 80's yes, I will want and need the help. But at 44, 50 or 60 I want to be able to take care of myself health wise. So that is exactly what I am doing. Taking care of me in every single sense of the word.
Life is what I make of it and as of today, I choose to be happy, healthy and sexy!!! What about you?
Peace and love
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