I took the original Just for Today and changed it a bit to fit me. I have told myself over and over in the last few months that I am ok and I am not. Going through a break-up of a marriage is very hard. Even if you know it's for the best, it is still very hard to deal with. The emotional impact it has on a persons spirit, self-esteem and image of who they are to the core is VERY hard.
I waited so long to get married and when I did, I thought it would be forever. It wasn't to be for me.
I know this ending of my marriage will be good for me in the long run but is hard as hell to deal with some days. Yet, every morning I wake up, I thank God that I did wake up because it gives me another day to become stronger and better. That is the easy part. The hard part is actually getting out of the bed and moving around to get ready for work.
I had not cleaned my house in almost two weeks. That is not me at all! I just didn't care at all. On Tuesday night, I cared. I cleaned the entire house, cleaned out the fridge, and two closets. I truly felt so much better in my spirit after cleaning my house. I woke up yesterday feeling great and clearer about my next steps to recovery from the break-up. A clean house = a clear mind!!!
Here is my version of Just for today:
Just for today, I will love myself.
Just for today, I will be happy. The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1. ~Author Unknown
Just for today, I will treat myself with dignity, praise and compassion.
Just for today, I will read some knowledge and express it.
Just for today, I will take 30 minutes out of the day to write. Journaling, blogging, notations for spiritual work…..I will write.
Just for today, I will work my life program. I will eat healthy food. I will exercise for at least 30 minutes. I will take care of the vessel that holds my soul. (this hasn't really began...lol...God is still working with me on this one)
Just for today, I will send a card, note, email to someone that compliments them in some way.
Just for today, I will love myself.
Just for today, I will know that I am loved and protected.
Just for today, I will be positive with everyone I come in contact with. I will see only the good in the person. No matter how small the good may be. (I had NO idea how hard this one would be)
Just for today, I will keep the negativity away from me. I will not allow anyone to speak badly of another person around me. I will not speak badly of anyone.
Just for today, I will not allow anyone to mistreat me, speak down to me or not give me respect the way I deserve.
Just for today, I will love myself.
I have to keep reminding myself to love me first! I've given my love away for so many years to people who did not deserve it. That includes family members. Someone said to me the other day that they felt Oprah wasn't going to ever be happy until she made things right with her parents. I don't feel that way at all. People don't understand, if you grew up with a loving mother and/or father you will never know what it's like to have a mother, the one that carried you and raised you treat you like the dirt on her shoe. Love is patient and kind - not mean and hateful. Not every mother is the same, nor is every father. I feel Oprah helping her parents at all is such a wonderful thing to do. She doesn't have to do anything for them at all but she does. That's because of the giving spirit she has.
I never knew my father but I did grow up with my mother. It was not easy growing up with her. I use to try everything I could to be a good girl so she would not be angry with me or beat me. It never worked. I ate for comfort and here I am now at the weight I am...320.4 pounds. Crazy huh? I try so hard to be strong and act like none of these things bother me but it does. I get sad, I eat. I am happy, I eat. Just because, I eat. Food has been my mother, my father, my friend for so many years that it is hard to break this relationship most of all. I'm a sugar addict. Donuts, cakes, cinnamon rolls, ice cream, cookies and candy. Then I have to work with people who are skin and bones and have the nerve to be on a diet. REALLY???!!!??!!!
Besides the weight thing, all I've ever wanted in my entire life is to be loved so much that I would feel it to the core of my spirit and know that I am loved and protected. Because I want that, I give that kind of love. I give love and expect that same love back. Yet, I have learned that is thinking logically which is not never showed love or care. Me and my siblings had to fight for survival each and every day. I often wondered did she have a heart. She wasn't raised that way at all. My grandmother was very loving and kind.
My sister and brother say I'm sensitive. Hell yes I am. See I was the one that got beat if THEY did something wrong. I was the one that got yelled at because I wasn't watching my siblings like I should. I was 6 years old. I wasn't a mother, I was a child.
So now I am protecting that child and letting her know I've got her back 100% and I will take care of her. I had to give up my marriage that had no reciprocal love. I deserve someone better. God put that in my heart and spirit and I have to follow Gods desires for me. Right??? When I think about the kind of love I want to receive, the kind of love I have dreamed about my entire life, I know it is out there but this time I will be more careful with giving my love out.
I will be like the great fishermen who cast their lines and are patiently waiting for that one big catch. I know that one is out there, I will wait patiently for it. But first, I need to get the map to where I will find that catch - what exactly am I looking for and how do I know that's what I really need? Get my supplies for the catch - get my mind, body and spirit right. Make sure I am everything I am expecting from this person. So right now, I am clearing my mind from the hurt and pain of the ending of my marriage. In the meantime, I am also preparing for my great fishing experience of catching the big one!
Peace and blessings
Monique Renee
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