It's been a while! But I've been busy dating and/or sexing. Yes big gurls can date and/or sex casually. Some don't believe it can be done but it can and is being done. I like to date but if there is a strong attraction I feel I must handle that attraction before going further. See I once dated a man who was wonderful. Every time he showed up for a date, he had a gift for me. Flowers, candy, plant, whatever. I was falling hard for this man. I was telling my best friend, "Girl I am in love". She would laugh at me and ask, "have you two been intimate yet"? I would answer and tell her "no, not yet, and it doesn't matter because I love this man". Then we became intimate. Huge disappointment. He was a horrible lover and very small if you get my drift. He didn't feel sex was important but for me it was. That was the first time I knew good sex was really important to me. Yet, I am being told I am a lot like a man when it comes to enjoying sex. I can enjoy sex with a man and not get emotionally tied into him.
Here is my take on dating and/or sex. I would love to be in a committed relationship and I am now seeking just that. Yet, coming out of a loveless, sexless marriage I have some raging hormones that need taming. So in the meantime I am enjoying some casual sex. Is it wrong for a woman to enjoy casual sex? Some say yes and some say no. For me it's been a great experience to have a no strings attached sexual relationship. It has been a truly freeing experience for me. If I don't like their conversation, I don't have to listen to them. I shut them up with a kiss. Shallow yes, but honest.
It is almost like a double edged sword. There are more men that don't know what it means to date. Those that like to date are the older men. A few older men I have dated are really old to me. I love going out and I love the attention but the conversation usually dulls after the appetizers and before the main meal. How do you date and keep the spark? That is a hard question.
A lot of men don't believe in dating. I've had men say to me that they don't want to be considered some woman's trick. Meaning they don't want to be a man that does for a woman. Meaning a man pays when you go out. In my eyes that is a sorry excuse for not being man enough to do for your woman if you care about her. Even a casual sexual partner of mine would expect me to provide condoms for him. Now if I am not asking anything of him but great sex, couldn't he at least provide the condoms? He didn't understand why I wouldn't see him. Really??? Yet, if you want to get to know me and date me, that means spending some money. I'm 45 years old and I don't believe in kicking it or just hanging out. I like going out, having drinks and dinner. Or if it is a casual thing, bring your own condoms.
Younger men are more realistic when they approach me. I love that about these younger dudes. They either haven't learned to lie or they get it that they will get more if they are honest with women. There are no pretenses, no drama, no extra baggage. Maybe they are too young to have any baggage. They are still looking for love. Maybe the love is comfort and passion. Whatever it is I am loving it! Oh and the sex with these younger men....off the chain!!!
Bottom line is this, men will be men. They will also do to us what we allow them to do. I am learning as I go along in this dating journey every man is different. I sit back and listen to what they are saying and not saying. Action absolutely speaks louder than words. And a lot of these men talk but can't back it up. So I am learning what I like, what I don't like, what I will put up with, what I won't tolerate, why kind of woman I am, what makes me tick and what makes my heart sing.
One thing we have to remember is our lives are spiritual journeys. We are here to learn and grow to move on to the next level of spirituality. I am wanting to get my lesson and move on. Yet, in this process I am wanting love. Deep, passionate, true, honest love. I plan to keep looking and hope you do the same. Big gurls there is real love out there but we must first love ourselves!
Peace & Blessings
Monique Renee
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